She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
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dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
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we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
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