I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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