How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
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He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
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Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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