Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
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