At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
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