WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
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My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
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However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Randomize