i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize