Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
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she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
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My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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