So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
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