after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
That was before I lit my hair on fire
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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