All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
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