okay pat passed out under dana's car
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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