literally had 100 drinks last night.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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