dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize