the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
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