I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
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