I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize
