T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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