I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
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And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
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I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
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