He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
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