6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
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