My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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