So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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