dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
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