He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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