Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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