I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize