I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
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Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
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Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
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