Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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