guys are not supposed to queef...right?
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
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