That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize