I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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