I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
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