Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Randomize