my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
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Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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