After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
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I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
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Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
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