Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
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