Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
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I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
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