Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
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