I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
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