My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
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