had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
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So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
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Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
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