i need an iv and a liver transplant
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Who died my cat blue again?
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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