This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize