If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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