Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
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