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If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
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