so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
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How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
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we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
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