The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
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