so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
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I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
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I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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