so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
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But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
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My ass is underappreciated
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize